On Letting Go
Five years ago, I was what some may call obsessive. I over planned all the events that would play into my life. When I visited home, I had specific people and hours set aside for friends and family to the T, and if I couldn’t make it, I would turn into a pressure cooker whose cap was loosely on about to POP OFF. I found life so fragile and temporary that I obsessed with having a plan for everything. I thought if I have a plan, then I could always be ready…but in attempting to control every possible variable, I only became harder around the edges — less fluid, less fun, and lost touch with my voice guiding me inside. As I sought to be strong, I developed the opposite — rigidity. I began project managing every aspect I could of my life from 9 to 5 and 5 to 9. My mama and sister came into my room one night while I was visiting home concerned, and asked me what the worst thing I imagined happening was if I didn’t see them for one day. They told me they knew I loved them, but my demeanor from the anxiety made our interactions very difficult. I was essentially a fun sucker…the last thing I wanted to become.
Freedom is found in directing your energy towards the things you can control, and letting go of the things you cannot. Sometimes we run and sometimes we rest. There is an incredible amount of change, of movement going around every day. As the beautiful creatures, we are, we may focus on things we do not like with an incredible drive of changing them. But another incredible power we have is the power of perspective of acceptance. If we know things are ever-changing, then can we focus on things within our reach and let go of those outside of our reach. Look at all that we have before us — our bodies, our minds, our breath of which when followed leads us to our innermost beings of love and light. What a miracle it is to be alive.
Optional Exercises/ Journal Prompts:
Take a deep breath in, and hold for as long as you can. Release your breath, and hold for as long as you can. Could you exist, could you live with only an inhale or only an exhale?
Think of a time in your life where you felt free. What were you doing? What were you doing that gave you such a sense of freedom? What were you free from and what were you free to do?
Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt constrained, trapped, or what in some way? Write about this time and how it affected you (or continues to affect you) and your subsequent life decisions.
Is there something you are holding onto tightly? What would happen if you were to let this go? How would you feel if you released this hold? And what things would you have space for?